


Kings and Queens of the Wasteland

by PrettyClouds



Category: Nuclear Throne (Video Game)
Genre: And lots of airhorn in Y.V related chapters., I'll add more tags as it goes on and as I figure this site out, Post-Apocalypse, There will be Y.C
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-08
Updated: 2015-10-18
Packaged: 2018-04-25 10:25:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4956700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrettyClouds/pseuds/PrettyClouds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A bundle of stories about the Lives of the Mutants before they learned of each other, And the Throne.</p><p>Also, First Archive Post.<br/>plz b knd<br/>ty</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fish

It's been about a year since the world went to hell.

And you've been on the short end of the shit stick.

Your name is... Hell, It doesn't really matter anymore. Names don't matter in the apocalypse. Titles could work, Though...

Your title is Fish, The reason why It's fish is because you're a  _goddamn fish._ You have no idea why you Mutated into a fish/human hybrid when the bombs dropped, You used to be a human. A perfectly normal human being, Eyes, Ears, No gills on your neck, No fins, No green skin. And you were a cop, One day from retirement too.

Ain't that just how the world works, Though. You're about to retire, And then the world ends.

Suppose that means no vacation to Hawaii.

You wake up in a small-ish damp cave you dug into the sand. Since the bombs dropped, Your once peaceful city is now a ruined desert.

And of course, You just  _had_ to mutate into a fish.

In a desert.

Lucky you.

That doesn't mean being a fish-mutant doesn't have upsides, You're incredibly agile now, Much more so than before. And your aim with a pistol has greatly improved, Which is an important skill when everything is trying to kill you.

Anyway, You drag yourself out of your little hole of a shelter, And onto the cool sand.

You learned that traveling at night was a much smarter idea than in the day, Bandits only emerged from their colonies when the sun was out. You don't understand those little bandit guys, They're like ants. If ants had guns, And wrapped themselves in cloth to protect themselves from the sun. They always have seemed like they were acting under order, And you really don't want to meet whoever is commanding them.

You reach back into your hole, And pull out your guitar.

It's your only damn friend in this hellish world. And you've got all the time in the world to practice.

You sling it over your shoulder, And start trudging off towards that ruined city.

You've been trying to get there since day one of your travels, To try and find some resources, Some clean water, And maybe food that isn't Mutated scorpions and maggots.

And speaking of maggots, You see a few up ahead. Might as well take a few for the road. You rush up to them, And grab 'em. Stuffing one into your mouth, But the other one manages to squirm away. Damn, You were looking forward to eating that. Maggots became a lot larger in this radioactive world, About six inches long. And that's just the small ones, The big ones are the size of a car.

Speaking of which, You don't really want to piss off a Maggot nest. So you simply shoot the escaped maggot a glare, And run towards the city, Pistol in hand.

 

It took all night, But you made it closer.

You're starting to worry if it's just a mirage.

But hey, You found a nice little rest stop.

It's a canyon sort of thing, Nice and shady, Some cacti littered around, And a stream of fresh water!

You rush towards the water, And immediately scoop up some water in your hands, And drink it.

 _'Sweet_ , _Sweet relief_ ' You think, As you go back for another drink.

The sun starts coming up, You better find some shelter, And fast.

You duck for a nearby cutout in a rock, You set your guitar next to you, And scoop up some sand for a pillow.

Maybe you should just live here, Fresh water, And presumably fresh food. At least, As fresh as mutated maggots can get.

You close your eyes, And drift off into the embrace of sleep.

 

The next thing you know, You're tied up on a blanket inside of a tent.

With a bandit sitting next to you, His glowing, Red eyes peering at you from inside his bandaged hood.

"Well well, Good morning little fishy. Sleep well?" He asks in a mocking tone.

"L-look, I don't have any rations, All I have to my name is a pistol and a guitar. You can have the pistol if it means you let me go free." You plead in your gruff, Gurgled voice.

You know bargaining with a bandit won't work, But you are damn well gonna try.

"Sorry lil' fishy, The Boss wants you for somethin'. No idea what, Though. I s'pose we'll  _both_ find out, Eh?"

He laughs a bit, Before leaving the tent, Probably to stand guard.

You curse to yourself, There was no way in hell you were gonna be subject to a bandit's rule, Whatever they wanted you for, Isn't gonna happen.

You just need to get out of these ropes.

And then, Just as you start squirming, A silhouette of an _enormous_ man wrapped in bandit garb walks by the tent. He's holding quite possibly the largest gun you've ever seen, And is walking in front of your tent.

This wasn't gonna be fun.

He enters the tent, The gargantuan of a man. He's easily eight feet tall, And has to duck a bit in order to fit in the tent. His bandit attire is vastly different, Signifying him being higher up in the ranks.

He's got a metal jaw plate on his robes, And pieces of disorganized sharpened metal around the top of his head, Looking almost like a crown. He hoists his massive gun over his shoulder, Hanging behind him in his bandolier. He hunches down and gets in your face, His metal gauntlet hand gripping your chin. 

"Welcome to the drylands, Fish. You've wandered into my army's territory, And I've gotta say, Thanks. My men were in desperate need of a decent meal." He lets go of your jaw, And laughs at you in his deep, Almost mechanical sounding voice.

In an act of defiance, You spit on his boot. Which you immediately regret, As he smacks you across the face with his gauntlet, Which hurts like  _hell_. _  
_

"Do that again, And I'll make sure that the Golden Scorpion gets you!" He scoffs, And kicks your side. Walking out of the tent.

This was gonna be a long day.


	2. Fish II: The Fishening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fish wakes up, And has a run in with the biggest bandit of them all.  
> Again.

You fell asleep.

Somehow, You managed to fall asleep.

It's actually kinda nice, It's cool and shady in the tent, And you're sleeping on some comfortable blankets. These bandits really knew how to live.

Unfortunately, You're awoken from your slumber when a Bandit kicks you in the side. "Get the hell up, the Boss wants you." He says, Holding a pistol.

You reluctantly stand up, They had only tied your arms, As they knew that if you tried to escape, You'd be shot down before you managed to leave the camp. He puts his gun at your back. "No funny ideas, You go where I tell you, Got it?" And with that, He pushes you out of the tent.

It's night now, Seeing as how you were captured in the middle of the day. The Bandits have a pretty good setup out here, Tents evenly placed like houses, Lanterns scattered around to provide light, Guards at the front and back of the camp, And various large mutant scorpions gathered around a small lake. You've seen Scorpions like this before, But it seems the Bandits have tamed these ravenous beasts. Hell, You can see one of them being used as a mount by a Bandit returning from a scouting mission.

The Bandit at your back nudges you with the gun, Getting you to move towards a large tent in the middle of the camp. You assume that's where that Big Bandit lives. You are shoved inside, The Bandit following you now staying outside.

And there he is, The Big Bandit himself.

He's sitting on a ragged, Dusty looking chair (A throne, Almost.), With an enormous golden scorpion next to him, Curled up like a dog. He cracks his neck audibly, Before standing up, Grabbing his gun and throwing it over his shoulder before walking over to you.

He looks down at you, This imposing figure seems to be smiling a bit, But it's hard to tell under all his rags and metal. "Well, Fish, I hope you're enjoying your stay at our current campsite. This is probably my favorite one yet, The only downside being a maggot nest nearby." He starts pacing around you, Like a shark circling its prey. You notice his Scorpion staring you down, Its sharp, Golden hide glistening in the lantern light.

You also notice a massive stockpile of weapons, Ammo, And food rations behind the scorpion. Everything from Wrenches, To pistols, Machine-guns, Assault Rifles, Crossbows, And the occasional Shovel and Sledgehammer.

"Now, Fish.. You see, My boys are getting tired of maggots and cacti, It's been an eternity since they've had a proper meal. And I figure, If you look like a fish, Then you must taste like a fish. It'll be a nice treat for them, They did just bring back some weapons from the Scrapyard, After all."

"The... Scrapyard?" You speak up, Genuinely curious.

"Oh, I forgot you could speak!" The brute chuckles at his own attempt at humor. "The Scrapyard is that big destroyed city to the north, My boys have been on scouting missions there, And it sounds like a real hellhole. I've heard reports of giant fire breathing Salamanders, Androids who patrol some areas and shoot anyone who isn't supposed to be there, And a giant dog monster. But, It's a shame you'll never get to go there. Actually, I think I hear my boys returning from a scouting mission right now.. Rami, Watch the fish." He grabs your neck, And drags you behind the scorpion.

It raises it's stinger menacingly above you, And hisses, Some of its acid dripping from its mandibles. Big Bandit leaves the tent, Leaving you, Alone with his monstrous scorpion. It goes back to it's original spot, And lays back down. Seemingly falling asleep. The fearsome visage it had only a moment earlier now gone.

This is your chance.

You inch closer to the scorpion, Being careful not to disturb it, And attempt to cut the ropes binding your arms on one of it's numerous spikes. One wrong move, And you're about as good as dead.

However, Lady luck was looking upon you tonight, And you manage to break free of your binds, And get away from the scorpion.

It doesn't actually seem that bad when it's sleeping, Maybe it only tries to look intimidating when Big Bandit is nearby.

Who knows, And you honestly don't give a shit. All that matters is getting some weapons, breaking out of this camp, And getting your Guitar back.

You walk over to the pile, And arm yourself with a shotgun, And a pistol. What can you say, You like the basics. You craft a makeshift sling out of the remaining rope, And some stray cloth you find nearby the weapon pile.

This had better work, Or the Bandits would work out an even worse punishment for you. Though, Being eaten was already pretty bad.

You decide against going all out against an entire army of bandits, and attempt to sneak out the back way. You make a hole in a tent wall, Tearing your way through. Immediately to your left, A bandit spots you.

Goddammit.

"T-the fish is loo-!" is all he manages to say before you shoot him in the face. So much for sneaking out. You rush out beside the tent, Shotgun in hand, An entire bandit army in front of you.

You cock your gun, And immediately fire at a grouping of Bandits, The spread from your gun injuring a few, And killing the others.

All hell breaks loose.

The bandits surrounding you all fire their guns, But luckily, Most, If not all, Of them miss you. You roll out of the way, And fire at another grouping with your shotgun.

_BANG_

They don't die like the last ones did, But they get knocked over by the force of the blast.

The bandits attempt to collapse on you, Some of them letting scorpions loose.

Those were gonna be trouble.

You get out your pistol, And fire at the bandits, Having made an opening in the army with your shotgun.

You dart towards a tent, Firing at one of the walls, Tearing it down.

There she is, Your precious baby.. You quickly pick up your guitar, And run out of the tent.

The bandits are just standing there, Gripping their guns.

Watching something behind you.

You slowly turn around, And the gigantic figure that is Big Bandit looks down at you.

And from what you can tell, He looks pissed.

The giant makes a swing at you, It connects and sends you flying into a rock.

You can audibly hear a crack when you hit that rock, The pain is awful, But you can't give up now, You've made it this far, And goddammit, You're gonna get out of here!

The Bandit King swings his gun around to the front, Revving it up.

"You've reached the end of the line, Fish. Say hello to The Throne for me!"

He opens fire, The almost-minigun pretty much pisses bullets at you, And in an instant, You roll out of the way of the spread of bullets, Which carve into the rock.

The Bandit grumbles angrily, And loudly as you make your escape. Running into the open desert.

You hear his gun quiet down, Maybe he's letting you escape?

Your optimistic thought is gone, However, When you hear loud footsteps in the sand behind you.

You look back, And Big Bandit is charging you at an alarmingly fast speed!

"I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU, YOU FISHY FUCK!"

You panic, And try to outrun him, Which doesn't work too well, As he's nearly on you already!

You can't outrun him, You certainly can't outgun him, There's no escaping this guy!

Suddenly, You remember something. You're currently nearby where you got captured, And there was a maggot nest real close to there..

Hell, It's your best shot right now.

You turn to the left, And run towards the oasis(ish) area, Big bandit following you every step of the way.

 

You're nearly there! You can see the discolored sand from where you are! Those maggots hate noise, So Big Bandit's charge should wake them right up.

Unfortunately, as you are about to reach the area, You feel a cold, Tight, Metal grip on your arm, As big bandit cackles and tosses you behind him.

Dammit! You were so close!!

You land on your ass nearby a cactus, Big bandit cracks his knuckles, And charges at you again, Raising a fist, And preparing to strike you.

One hit from this guy, And you're done for.

You roll out of his punch, And get up. Looks like you'll have to settle this differently.

You raise your fists, And motion for Big Bandit to attack.

"Getting a little cocky now, Aren't you, Fish!?"

He runs at you again, This time trying to grab you. You leap to the left of his attack, And deliver a swift blow to the head.

This hurts your hand, Yes, But it looks like it's hurting him more, Seeing as how he stumbles when you deliver the punch.

"That one  _hurt_!" He swings at you with his metal gauntlet, You duck under it, And roll through his legs, Running towards the nest again.

In a bout of rage, He charges at you again, But the second he steps on that discolored patch of sand, The ground starts to rumble.

This doesn't stop his attack, And he is right on you now! Readying to land a killing blow, When a giant maggot burrows out of the ground, Right between you and him.

Several more rise out of the sand, All making that horrible droning screech that only Mutant Maggots can make. They attack Big Bandit, Knocking him to the ground.

You turn around, And run like hell. Big Bandit cursing at you as you ran.

You can barely believe you made it out of that alive.

 

You punch your way through a maggot, Several of it's festering children spewing out from inside it, And stand up.

That little green bastard is gone, You'll give him this, He's determined.

You grumble to yourself angrily, Having just killed an entire maggot nest.

You walk back to your camp.

Next time you see that fishy fuck, You'll be ready.

You'll kill him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Big Bandit was taken out by a few maggots.  
> I thought it was kinda funny.  
> Also, props to whoever gets why his pet scorpion is named Rami.
> 
> Comment or whatever I don't care.

**Author's Note:**

> I really like Big Bandit's design, It's a shame he's one of the easiest bosses.  
> This was fun to write, Hope you enjoyed it.
> 
> How will fish get out of this one? I dunno, Stick around and find out.  
> Comments greatly appreciated!


End file.
